This may be the last thing you ever expected But out of all people, it’s you I’ve selected To read my Hello’s, that I haven’t been Drowning in depths of past problems and sin. So here is my heart; how it came to be free Of what it once felt and future destiny With all the memories you may have effaced I hope you’ve let go of the pain we embraced. I met you long ago, we were both so naive When you’d block the door I’d say “I just wanna leave” Things spiraled out so quickly I didn’t know how I could live in every moment with the here and the now. When we were younger, the world was just ours Then I spray-painted black all your life’s flowers We’d become bored so out we would lash Has that fire too, been extinguished to ash? Rebellious ones; tightly tied at the hip Capsized with style, we went down with the ship As all the found treasure of which we would brag Sank inside the ocean right along with our flag. Guitars on overdrive, skateboards, and scratched Knuckles on the pavement, indeed we were matched With our world’s surroundings so perfectly well Until it toppled over and regretfully fell. Time trickled down the glass just like powdered sand It slid between my fingers and out of my hand I wish we’d read more often and talked about the books That sat collecting dust while we perfected looks. Though we no longer speak, I took some time for you To say I am so sorry for dragging us through A landscape of chaos I built on my own Then destroyed it together right down to the bone. I can’t quite explain just how deep was my sorrow I’d run out of despair, so it’s yours that I’d borrow And there was the conflict, we didn’t know why it worked To grow apart so much quicker as shadows eerily lurked. Yet we were second-selves exhaling out puffs That led to backseats of cop cars in cuffs Reckless punk rockers; just following wills Taking shots with no chaser then swallowing pills. Bottles lined up like soldiers back from a war Thinking What’s it all mean? and What’s it all for? Sunset-tinted fifths; back and forth until done Cause our favorite number used to be that 151. With all this time that’s passed, I can’t help but ask; Did you ever put away the shot glasses and flask? Which I gave you that one Christmas when you smiled so wide Cause you knew that we’d get swept up with the drink and the tide. As for me, I’ve been living happy and sober Cause that part of my life’s now officially over I don’t miss the thrills as much as the nights When I’d walk around downtown neon lights. Thank you for teaching me invaluable truths; How the sound of my voice invariably soothes All broken hearts, though they listen with pity And to find my way home when I’m lost in the city. Still, if I stay lost then it’s all by design But it won’t be through drugs or the flowing of wine Life is too short to live it all in a haze So I lost a whole decade, we’ll call it a phase. Sorrow Anger Regret Acceptance and Healing Five little letters that covered my ceiling To the selfish life I’ve so lavishly led I saw them overtake me from the comfort of my bed. Put our names together, they construct a small riddle Filled with pain and pride; quite a lot, not a little But it does in-fact make such a lovely conclusion; All actions need reactions-, and there’s the solution. Free will and fatalism rarely co-exist As cuts appeared in places that were heavily kissed But I can two-hundred and one percent guarantee That it’s yourself who you’re so angry with instead of just me. Then please don’t remember things wrongly or slanted The truth is we took one-another for granted In terms of closure, that’s as good as it gets Cause I’m done paying on my past debits and debts. A canvas of skin that’s inked with some BICs Where deep scars and stretch marks can finally mix That’s when you too will find peace with your past And all the results from living wild and fast. On the art of bleeding, I’ve been classically trained And my creative similes, they’ve never once feigned From washing out the truth through faucets of self-hate It started long ago way before our first date. The need to harm ourselves was in very full effect Or the throwing of a brick through mirrors that’d reflect Back to us a clear image of ourself in another We were closer than having either a sister or brother. The slashes have long-mended though they often still hurt My calling card’s at rest right under your shirt Lines of pure hatred that were drawn out with rage Then you broke the curse and escaped from the cage. You’ve settled down now, but I’m willing to bet You still have the angst that you just can’t forget It tugs at your sleeve and refuses to quit You were full of it before you had decided to split. We used to be mates before you gave up your spot And though there’s none in “team,” it’s your eyes that I dot Stay awake, keep them open, pay me close attention It’s through these metaphors that I find my fate’s redemption. Layer by layer, this work’s like a rose Through and up above the lonely concrete it grows It smells like lust for knowledge, dripping from its end Are thoughts that spark ideas I don’t have to defend. I’ve met wonderful women who’ve helped me to make Such precious memories; until their love was at stake So many different people could’ve torn my heart in two But I say this full of honor; I’m so glad it was you. Our history has ruined a-many affair That I’ve had yet, I couldn’t much care As those who I’ve written a poem to or sonnet Were jealous of my lip and the name that’s there on it. “Let’s begin a best-friendship,” I’d hopelessly say “It can’t be done,” you’d reply, “at least not today” Many years later I’m still on the phone Holding the line, though never alone Plenty of bedmates, I stopped keeping count Always at bat, looking up to the mount I swing and I hit and I rarely do miss The times when it meant something to kiss Another with love, someone to admire Floods of remorse have washed out the fire Now my pure stream’s found itself in the street Flowing down to those I so happen to meet. I tell you all of this so that you can predict The next decade will bring no harm to inflict No anger or hatred or negative waves I’m dropping good vibes like ravers at raves. Rest and redemption’s been discovered at last I’m erasing mistakes I’ve made in my past Forgiveness itself can finally ease us So I’ve got my eyes closed as I’m praying; “Lord Jesus; Please keep her safe in the depths of Your palm Grant her sheer peace and spiritual calm And if I should die before I do wake Let this prayer be what’ll hopefully make Her forgive all that I’ve done and I’ve said ‘Walk with the wise’ is what I once read She’s who I’ve looked up to, forever and when I was so lost. In Your name, Amen.” Things may have been better, meeting later in life We could’ve dealt with much less friction and strife And would’ve been able to handle the weight Of feelings too heavy for typical fate. But within the rationale of a two-headed heart There’s a beautiful reason why we broke it apart; You placed yours underground and quickly watered the seed So that it would grow into the only flower you’d need. With deeper roots than before, a stalk that won’t ever break And petals blooming in Spring, into the world they wake So that their mother can say “what a wonderful way To live a life of bliss, I knew it’d happen one day.” Time has taken us on such separate routes Though I still don’t harbor any reservations or doubts That chapters may end but our books will go on Page after page; bright lines of a dawn. Check the words that I write, the endings of these Cryptic hidden messages, for they hold the keys I don’t do near-rhymes so each one is perfect But if I have to I make sure that it’s worth it. I’ve been wrapped up in self-centered reflections From the mirrors that I’ve placed in all four directions My eyes smile back as I melt with a glee Since who I’m most in love with is eternally me. Forget all the fighting, the throwing of fits The times I took your heart and tore it to bits I know how to repay emotional compensations I’ve studied Pillow Talk, Down With Love, and Great Expectations. I once wrote a poem with your name encoded in For the past decade-plus it’s sat in my recycle bin Counting seven letters, then another four toward The message I engraved into your heart before you lowered The heavy metal latch, which then you rapidly locked, All the things I spilled out of myself you happily mocked And so it goes that now it’s time to reset the wire Our past karma’s coming back to refuel the fire. My heart’s under your feet, crawling up both calves But I held onto yours too, before I broke it in halves I’d tell you I was wrong, but who can really say? I replay everything that’s happened to this very day. The shouts and screams and subtle, sharpened threat Of breaking us apart, but you weren’t willing to bet That it’d finally happen; the world ripped to shreds We traded in the Djarums for your Slims and some Reds. Second class cigarettes, we puffed on the Coast But it’s the pool that we swam in that I miss the most The steps where we became official; Eight-Seventeen The night sky above saw all there was to be seen. So what were the Gulf and the oceanfront for? Those two simple dreamers; still there on that shore At a distinct point on the timeline we’re in I’m no longer with this contest I’ve been trying to win. The aims of your life were so different from mine And that’s completely okay and perfectly fine But I’ve always dreamt of more excitement and quests Completing excursions, adventurous tests. To travel the globe with a sweetheart in hand Understanding the cultures of a foreign land Then I’ll finally find true happiness, see? And become the person He created in me. Decoding the mysteries of humanity’s tale Whether by grounds that I walk on or seas that I sail I’ll find what I’ve looked for my entire existence Through a learned patience and determined persistence. When I’m halfway across the world in a while I’ll be thinking of you and the way that you’d smile Knowing I’m living out both of our dreams It’s all more beautiful than presently seems. Country by country, I’ll search for your hair Always falling short, life’s never been fair And so goes the plot, I’ll wrap it up soon Above us tonight; a framed harvest moon. Go out and you’ll see, my name spelled with the heat From stars that shine bright for who I’ve yet to still meet She’s probably blonde, but someday we’ll see Her “I do...,” becoming the ultimate key. What a storybook ending I’ve crafted with phrases That play on your conscience like small layered mazes With that I shall bow as the curtains descend No more A$AP Rocky, still like to “Pretend-” That things will be right with our fates after all Pride really did come just before my great fall It’s the true nexus of every other sinful seed C.S. Lewis was right when he wrote that indeed. For our planet never made a queen of a girl Who hides under beds and is afraid of the world Just like kittens do on the night you first bring them home Now a new kingdom’s where they like to sleep in and roam. Take all these lines and magnify them clearly With this skill of mine I’ve developed so dearly Please don’t assume to know what I infer That “my energy’s beside and alive in her.” I say what I mean cause I’m frank like The Voice I got my style from like I had much of a choice Given who I know and what circles I ran in I shoot from the hip with my camera; Canon. Ask me my story, I’ll tell you what’s real Facades are so easy but you know the deal And don’t act dismayed by the things that I’ve said I’m as sweet as can be cause that velvet is red. But I didn’t want to seem like I’d do something drastic Who I molded myself after; those people were plastic I’ve upgraded my software, I think better things- Than ever before, it’s what my new Outlook brings. We’re all created for our own separate race I just made some fuss keeping up with the pace But now I stay focused straight ahead on my goal Cause competing with others has taken its toll. We may never be friends again; some very real facts That I’m forced to live with despite previous pacts Of being there for each other no matter the case But the roses have withered, we’ve broken the vase. Won’t see you in court cause the suit’s on the shelf My only guilt came from not being myself Still got through the sentence, never paused like a comma So in terms of theatrics, I’m through with the drama. I’m an artist before everything, especially saint So I combine all these words like different colors of paint And use the new phrases to create you a piece Of artwork whose influence just refuses to cease. Now I’m almost done with this long-awaited speech I started back in the city but finished up at the beach Let me go ahead and tell you just a little bit more About a few people I’d do anything for My mom speaks like idols speak, the same as others do Like Meggo, Mas, and Marc. T, Nate, Scuba too They’ve all pulled me through both the valley and hollow Take notes on how I rose that you too can follow. This is the team I chose with me on my life’s path As for everyone else, their jealousy’s like self- wrath But it’s out of my hands as I’ve now washed them clean Of all the smears from before, I’m sure you know what I mean. Should you forget the name, just think of a peak The highest point on a hill that all others will seek But won’t ever find as it’s hidden from view Obstructed by the snow making everything new. Two thousand seven hundred forty seven shades Each one; a word in this poem which never fades More than two stanzas per year we have lived on this earth Soon you will see what my attention was worth. And I won’t blame you if I don’t get a reply Put it on the fact that I was only “some guy” Just tell yourself this thing got lost in the shuffle As for me, I’ll be fine, my feathers don’t ruffle. But if in the future, for whatever reason Our friendship should regrow and blossom in season Know that I’m over everything from before I’ve not only shut but locked tightly that door. I wish you so much joy that it’s stored in reserve And take care of yourself cause it’s what you deserve I’m proud to announce that I’ve waited with hope For the day when we too, would be able to cope With the pressures of finding someone who is true I won’t ever regret that I tried it with you Til we finally reach this life’s ultimate end Happy 36th Birthday my very dear friend.
Subscribe to FromDre.com
By Dre Carlan · Launched a year ago
Life writing & wistful daydreaming.
