Poem For a Friend

This may be the last thing you ever expected
But out of all people, it’s you I’ve selected
To read my Hello’s, that I haven’t been
Drowning in depths of past problems and sin.

So here is my heart; how it came to be free
Of what it once felt and future destiny
With all the memories you may have effaced
I hope you’ve let go of the pain we embraced.

I met you long ago, we were both so naive 
When you’d block the door I’d say “I just wanna leave” 
Things spiraled out so quickly I didn’t know how
I could live in every moment with the here and the now. 

When we were younger, the world was just ours 
Then I spray-painted black all your life’s flowers 
We’d become bored so out we would lash
Has that fire too, been extinguished to ash?

Rebellious ones; tightly tied at the hip 
Capsized with style, we went down with the ship 
As all the found treasure of which we would brag 
Sank inside the ocean right along with our flag.

Guitars on overdrive, skateboards, and scratched
Knuckles on the pavement, indeed we were matched
With our world’s surroundings so perfectly well 
Until it toppled over and regretfully fell.

Time trickled down the glass just like powdered sand 
It slid between my fingers and out of my hand 
I wish we’d read more often and talked about the books 
That sat collecting dust while we perfected looks.

Though we no longer speak, I took some time for you 
To say I am so sorry for dragging us through
A landscape of chaos I built on my own
Then destroyed it together right down to the bone.

I can’t quite explain just how deep was my sorrow 
I’d run out of despair, so it’s yours that I’d borrow 
And there was the conflict, we didn’t know why it worked 
To grow apart so much quicker as shadows eerily lurked.

Yet we were second-selves exhaling out puffs
That led to backseats of cop cars in cuffs
Reckless punk rockers; just following wills
Taking shots with no chaser then swallowing pills.

Bottles lined up like soldiers back from a war 
Thinking What’s it all mean? and What’s it all for? 
Sunset-tinted fifths; back and forth until done
Cause our favorite number used to be that 151.

With all this time that’s passed, I can’t help but ask; 
Did you ever put away the shot glasses and flask?
Which I gave you that one Christmas when you smiled so wide 
Cause you knew that we’d get swept up with the drink and the tide.
 
As for me, I’ve been living happy and sober
Cause that part of my life’s now officially over
I don’t miss the thrills as much as the nights
When I’d walk around downtown neon lights. 

Thank you for teaching me invaluable truths; 
How the sound of my voice invariably soothes
All broken hearts, though they listen with pity 
And to find my way home when I’m lost in the city.

Still, if I stay lost then it’s all by design 
But it won’t be through drugs or the flowing of wine 
Life is too short to live it all in a haze
So I lost a whole decade, we’ll call it a phase.

Sorrow Anger Regret Acceptance and Healing
Five little letters that covered my ceiling
To the selfish life I’ve so lavishly led
I saw them overtake me from the comfort of my bed.

Put our names together, they construct a small riddle 
Filled with pain and pride; quite a lot, not a little 
But it does in-fact make such a lovely conclusion; 
All actions need reactions-, and there’s the solution.

Free will and fatalism rarely co-exist 
As cuts appeared in places that were heavily kissed 
But I can two-hundred and one percent guarantee 
That it’s yourself who you’re so angry with instead of just me.

Then please don’t remember things wrongly or slanted 
The truth is we took one-another for granted
In terms of closure, that’s as good as it gets
Cause I’m done paying on my past debits and debts.

A canvas of skin that’s inked with some BICs 
Where deep scars and stretch marks can finally mix 
That’s when you too will find peace with your past 
And all the results from living wild and fast.

On the art of bleeding, I’ve been classically trained 
And my creative similes, they’ve never once feigned
From washing out the truth through faucets of self-hate 
It started long ago way before our first date.

The need to harm ourselves was in very full effect 
Or the throwing of a brick through mirrors that’d reflect
Back to us a clear image of ourself in another 
We were closer than having either a sister or brother.

The slashes have long-mended though they often still hurt 
My calling card’s at rest right under your shirt 
Lines of pure hatred that were drawn out with rage 
Then you broke the curse and escaped from the cage. 

You’ve settled down now, but I’m willing to bet
You still have the angst that you just can’t forget 
It tugs at your sleeve and refuses to quit 
You were full of it before you had decided to split.

We used to be mates before you gave up your spot 
And though there’s none in “team,” it’s your eyes that I dot 
Stay awake, keep them open, pay me close attention 
It’s through these metaphors that I find my fate’s redemption.

Layer by layer, this work’s like a rose 
Through and up above the lonely concrete it grows 
It smells like lust for knowledge, dripping from its end
Are thoughts that spark ideas I don’t have to defend. 

I’ve met wonderful women who’ve helped me to make
Such precious memories; until their love was at stake 
So many different people could’ve torn my heart in two 
But I say this full of honor; I’m so glad it was you.

Our history has ruined a-many affair
That I’ve had yet, I couldn’t much care
As those who I’ve written a poem to or sonnet
Were jealous of my lip and the name that’s there on it.

“Let’s begin a best-friendship,” I’d hopelessly say 
“It can’t be done,” you’d reply, “at least not today” 
Many years later I’m still on the phone
Holding the line, though never alone

Plenty of bedmates, I stopped keeping count
Always at bat, looking up to the mount
I swing and I hit and I rarely do miss
The times when it meant something to kiss

Another with love, someone to admire
Floods of remorse have washed out the fire
Now my pure stream’s found itself in the street
Flowing down to those I so happen to meet.

I tell you all of this so that you can predict
The next decade will bring no harm to inflict
No anger or hatred or negative waves
I’m dropping good vibes like ravers at raves.

Rest and redemption’s been discovered at last
I’m erasing mistakes I’ve made in my past
Forgiveness itself can finally ease us
So I’ve got my eyes closed as I’m praying; “Lord Jesus;

Please keep her safe in the depths of Your palm
Grant her sheer peace and spiritual calm
And if I should die before I do wake
Let this prayer be what’ll hopefully make

Her forgive all that I’ve done and I’ve said
‘Walk with the wise’ is what I once read
She’s who I’ve looked up to, forever and when
I was so lost. In Your name, Amen.”

Things may have been better, meeting later in life 
We could’ve dealt with much less friction and strife 
And would’ve been able to handle the weight
Of feelings too heavy for typical fate.

But within the rationale of a two-headed heart 
There’s a beautiful reason why we broke it apart; 
You placed yours underground and quickly watered the seed 
So that it would grow into the only flower you’d need.

With deeper roots than before, a stalk that won’t ever break
And petals blooming in Spring, into the world they wake 
So that their mother can say “what a wonderful way
To live a life of bliss, I knew it’d happen one day.”

Time has taken us on such separate routes 
Though I still don’t harbor any reservations or doubts
That chapters may end but our books will go on 
Page after page; bright lines of a dawn.

Check the words that I write, the endings of these
Cryptic hidden messages, for they hold the keys 
I don’t do near-rhymes so each one is perfect
But if I have to I make sure that it’s worth it.

I’ve been wrapped up in self-centered reflections
From the mirrors that I’ve placed in all four directions 
My eyes smile back as I melt with a glee 
Since who I’m most in love with is eternally me.

Forget all the fighting, the throwing of fits
The times I took your heart and tore it to bits
I know how to repay emotional compensations
I’ve studied Pillow Talk, Down With Love, and Great Expectations.

I once wrote a poem with your name encoded in 
For the past decade-plus it’s sat in my recycle bin 
Counting seven letters, then another four toward
The message I engraved into your heart before you lowered

The heavy metal latch, which then you rapidly locked, 
All the things I spilled out of myself you happily mocked
And so it goes that now it’s time to reset the wire 
Our past karma’s coming back to refuel the fire.

My heart’s under your feet, crawling up both calves 
But I held onto yours too, before I broke it in halves 
I’d tell you I was wrong, but who can really say? 
I replay everything that’s happened to this very day.

The shouts and screams and subtle, sharpened threat
Of breaking us apart, but you weren’t willing to bet
That it’d finally happen; the world ripped to shreds 
We traded in the Djarums for your Slims and some Reds.

Second class cigarettes, we puffed on the Coast 
But it’s the pool that we swam in that I miss the most 
The steps where we became official; Eight-Seventeen 
The night sky above saw all there was to be seen.

So what were the Gulf and the oceanfront for? 
Those two simple dreamers; still there on that shore 
At a distinct point on the timeline we’re in 
I’m no longer with this contest I’ve been trying to win.

The aims of your life were so different from mine 
And that’s completely okay and perfectly fine 
But I’ve always dreamt of more excitement and quests 
Completing excursions, adventurous tests.

To travel the globe with a sweetheart in hand
Understanding the cultures of a foreign land
Then I’ll finally find true happiness, see?
And become the person He created in me. 

Decoding the mysteries of humanity’s tale 
Whether by grounds that I walk on or seas that I sail
I’ll find what I’ve looked for my entire existence 
Through a learned patience and determined persistence.

When I’m halfway across the world in a while 
I’ll be thinking of you and the way that you’d smile 
Knowing I’m living out both of our dreams
It’s all more beautiful than presently seems.

Country by country, I’ll search for your hair
Always falling short, life’s never been fair
And so goes the plot, I’ll wrap it up soon
Above us tonight; a framed harvest moon.

Go out and you’ll see, my name spelled with the heat
From stars that shine bright for who I’ve yet to still meet 
She’s probably blonde, but someday we’ll see
Her “I do...,” becoming the ultimate key.

What a storybook ending I’ve crafted with phrases 
That play on your conscience like small layered mazes 
With that I shall bow as the curtains descend
No more A$AP Rocky, still like to “Pretend-”

That things will be right with our fates after all 
Pride really did come just before my great fall
It’s the true nexus of every other sinful seed
C.S. Lewis was right when he wrote that indeed.

For our planet never made a queen of a girl
Who hides under beds and is afraid of the world 
Just like kittens do on the night you first bring them home 
Now a new kingdom’s where they like to sleep in and roam.
 
Take all these lines and magnify them clearly
With this skill of mine I’ve developed so dearly 
Please don’t assume to know what I infer
That “my energy’s beside and alive in her.”

I say what I mean cause I’m frank like The Voice
I got my style from like I had much of a choice
Given who I know and what circles I ran in
I shoot from the hip with my camera; Canon.

Ask me my story, I’ll tell you what’s real
Facades are so easy but you know the deal
And don’t act dismayed by the things that I’ve said
I’m as sweet as can be cause that velvet is red.
 
But I didn’t want to seem like I’d do something drastic 
Who I molded myself after; those people were plastic 
I’ve upgraded my software, I think better things- 
Than ever before, it’s what my new Outlook brings. 

We’re all created for our own separate race 
I just made some fuss keeping up with the pace 
But now I stay focused straight ahead on my goal 
Cause competing with others has taken its toll.

We may never be friends again; some very real facts
That I’m forced to live with despite previous pacts
Of being there for each other no matter the case 
But the roses have withered, we’ve broken the vase.

Won’t see you in court cause the suit’s on the shelf 
My only guilt came from not being myself 
Still got through the sentence, never paused like a comma 
So in terms of theatrics, I’m through with the drama. 

I’m an artist before everything, especially saint 
So I combine all these words like different colors of paint 
And use the new phrases to create you a piece
Of artwork whose influence just refuses to cease.

Now I’m almost done with this long-awaited speech
I started back in the city but finished up at the beach 
Let me go ahead and tell you just a little bit more 
About a few people I’d do anything for

My mom speaks like idols speak, the same as others do 
Like Meggo, Mas, and Marc. T, Nate, Scuba too 
They’ve all pulled me through both the valley and hollow
Take notes on how I rose that you too can follow.

This is the team I chose with me on my life’s path 
As for everyone else, their jealousy’s like self- wrath 
But it’s out of my hands as I’ve now washed them clean
Of all the smears from before, I’m sure you know what I mean.

Should you forget the name, just think of a peak 
The highest point on a hill that all others will seek
But won’t ever find as it’s hidden from view 
Obstructed by the snow making everything new.

Two thousand seven hundred forty seven shades 
Each one; a word in this poem which never fades 
More than two stanzas per year we have lived on this earth 
Soon you will see what my attention was worth.

And I won’t blame you if I don’t get a reply
Put it on the fact that I was only “some guy”
Just tell yourself this thing got lost in the shuffle
As for me, I’ll be fine, my feathers don’t ruffle.

But if in the future, for whatever reason
Our friendship should regrow and blossom in season 
Know that I’m over everything from before
I’ve not only shut but locked tightly that door.

I wish you so much joy that it’s stored in reserve 
And take care of yourself cause it’s what you deserve 
I’m proud to announce that I’ve waited with hope
For the day when we too, would be able to cope

With the pressures of finding someone who is true 
I won’t ever regret that I tried it with you
Til we finally reach this life’s ultimate end
Happy 36th Birthday my very dear friend.